[Street] [Ob-media] A Note of Concern
Theresa
theresa at occupyboston.org
Fri Nov 25 11:45:28 EST 2011
Deepak Choprah spoke at Occupy LA. It's applicable
Occupy movement is "love in action"
http://www.dylanratigan.com/2011/11/25/deepak-chopra-at-occupy-la-keep-moving-and-keep-occupying/
Quoting Eden at akashic.com:
Thank you, AmberPaw, Theresa, & Z,
Thoughtful, reflective and instructive personal examples.
At BurningMan we say, "While it may be true, I may not be _WITH_ you,
I am _FOR_ you."
Let us each, be FOR each & everyone of us .. we are the 99% and
solidarity is the route.
We must grow to be 'too big to fail'.
Let's give each other permission to 'check' us and learn to welcome
those moments. IE, if I'm pushing too hard, acting insensitive, check
me .. or really remind me to check myself. In stance, in word and in
tone. Let's give each other permission to call a vibes break: a breath
or 2 or 3 ... or 5 breaths, if warranted.
Most of us passionately want to change society, change the power
structures and to become forerunners of a 'new dawn', a new way to
interact. And best case, we will learn to respond effectively to the
corrupt powers surrounding, and shaping our opportunities. That's why
we are here. We have come from widely differing segments of society,
historical cultures etc ... oppressions external and internalized
...bad habits, dark words, fear.
If I'm stepping on your toe, please let me know. I don't meant to do
it. ... cliches sometimes hit it .. 'the only way out is THROUGH'.
Thank you in advance for your authenticity, eden
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Re: [Street] [Ob-media] A Note of Concern
From: Deborah Sirotkin Butler <amberpaw at gmail.com>
Date: Thu, November 24, 2011 8:21 pm
To: Theresa <theresa at occupyboston.org>
Cc: facilitation at occupyboston.org, Z Bowditch <zthetop at yahoo.com>,
Terra Friedrichs <terraf at compuserve.com>,
street at lists.occupyboston.org,
winter at lists.occupyboston.org, ob-media at lists.occupyboston.org,
ob-finance at lists.mayfirst.org, rita at brandeis.edu
I think treating one another with respect is fundamental, really. But
sometimes the 'very meaning of a word' differs from one culture or
subculture to another. I am going to give a very mundane,
non-political example. I grew up ina 1st generation, immigrant
household with English not my first language and not my mother's first
language, either. I married someone whose ancestors came over on the
second voyage of the Mayflower, and who takes certain things for
granted that are, in fact, not things I even am aware of.
Anyway, I did a "knock your socks off" very complicated, I thought
gourmet dinner. I was also taking care of our ADHD very very
difficult child and a new baby. Spouse comes home, I ask how was
dinner, he says 'sufficient'. Bang goes the front door as I stomp
out, so as not to tear into him as I was furious. Come to find out,
he actually thought that was a compliment - and seems it may be in the
very very undemonstrative culture he was raised in. So we had to do
some work (still do sometimes) because the verbal messages he and I
send sometimes just don't get heard the way they were intended. I
know this is - quite literally, a "kitchen" example and I don't think
it will post to all the lists that Theresa posted to - but I think
sometimes the anger comes from the reality that even the same words in
English mean different things to different people.
Before I went overseas as part of language training 'back in the day'
we all had to read /The Silent Language /by Hall - and think about how
close or far we stand to people when talking to them, become conscious
of our hand motions, and a whole lot more because the culture where we
were going interpreted such things differently from the norm, here.
I have since become aware that different sub communities in the USA
consider the distance between speakers, interrupting as a sign of
status, and whether or not to look who your are talking to in the eye
differently. I had the rather disgusting experience of a judge
locking up a CHINS (Children in Need of Services) client up in DYS for
two weeks, because this 14 year old looked her in the eye and so she
(the female judge) interpreted this as the client trying to stare her
down, and it did not matter to this judge that in his culture that
was, in fact, a sign of respect and looking down or away would have
signified disrespect.
In my culture of origin, agreeing with people without argument or
discussion signifies that you think they are too stupid and otherwise
incompetent to deal with truth or disagreement; it is hard for me to
remember that in the mainstream culture "arguing" if the other person
considers themselves of a higher status can cause major offense. The
culture I grew up in children not only were treated as normal for
disagreeing with adults, but freely moved into relatives homes on
their own initiative, or other "landsmen" on and off, and no one
thought much of it. We often had others living with us, and I have
fostered (not through the state) friends of my kids so many times I
have lost count. It always surprises me that giving a home to a young
adult in transition is viewed as unusual is, well, strange. Where I
grew up, in a culture of immigrants,many still with concentration camp
numbers on their arms, it was the norm. People shared and dropped by
- but in New England, at least in my experience, that isn't done.
This is a long way of saying that trying not to take people personally
when each of us comes to this movement with a lot of personal and
cultural baggage would work better. We just are as we are, each of
us.
Deb Sirotkin Butler aka AmberPaw (Who sometimes does still feel "like
a stranger in a strange land" in New England)
On Thu, Nov 24, 2011 at 9:25 PM, Theresa <theresa at occupyboston.org>
wrote:
> I have similar concerns. We as a movement have to remember that we
> come from a variety of backgrounds, but we have come here for a
> common goal. I know a lot of times when I go back to my email and
> read them without considering the tone I was using, they seem more
> abrasive then I mean for them to. Going forward, I will try to be
> more conscientious about my choice of words.
>
> I really hope that we can find our way to a common ground based in
> respect and solidarity for our common goals and mission. We don't
> have to agree to treat each other with respect.
>
> Thanks for sharing your concern Z.
>
>
> Theresa
>
>
> Quoting Z Bowditch <zthetop at yahoo.com>:
>
> > As I suspect most of you know, there have been some very angry
> > emails going back and forth recently. I cannot claim to
> understand
> > the whole picture, seeing as I had 120+ emails waiting in my inbox
> > this afternoon, but the tone of the discussion that I did read was
> > deeply concerning to me, and I feel needs to be addressed.
> >
> > I understand that there are things that are going on at the OB
> tent
> > city that cannot continue, including but not limited to bullying,
> > threats and violence, and that not everyone agrees on the issues,
> > let alone the solutions. However, the way one approaches others
> in
> > conversations like GA and even email lists like these really makes
> a
> > difference in how you and your arguments are perceived. Even
> folks
> > with the best intentions can get confrontational when faced with
> an
> > angry person and very little gets done when people get angry or
> > defensive.
> >
> > As a group, we need to be able to successfully communicate with
> each
> > other, even though we come from many different backgrounds and
> have
> > many different ideas. Now, more than ever, it is important that
> > Occupy Boston and the Occupy movement as a whole stays unified and
> > invented in the issues at the core of our movement. With the
> court
> > hearing just around the corner, and winter on our doorstep, we
> need
> > conversation and not conflict.
> >
> > I welcome any discussion on how we can go about encouraging
> > dialogue, and what can be done both online and at Dewey Square.
> >
> >
> > Z
> > zthetop at yahoo.com
> > _______________________________________________
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